itinerary to my songs. or "what was that? play it again"

i need practice at developing this song concept that has been with me forever. actually, the more i practice, the worse i get. so i'll explain briefly and just do it.

i've got enough music ideas whittled down now to complete my first solo album. something i feared in the past. but, now i feel it is necessary. necessary for multiple reasons.

throughout my youth of learning music, my dad would continuously remark that i could never finish a song. song!? what the hell is song!? i'm just trying to learn my instrument. who cares about songs. go listen to radio. it's full of song. well, eventually i learned my instrument and found that the one thing i forgot to learn is...well, songs.

so, for the past 20 years i've been learning the art of song. key people in showing me the art of song are in order: ken jones, greg wood, cary winscott. thanks guys. i love you dearly for it.

song needs a voice, lyrically and stylistically. so, whats my voice? whats my style? well, lets start from my intentions. which come from my philosophy.

basically a schm-oist taoist way. go with the flow. dont look directly at what your looking for. by doing nothing your doing something. allow things to happen. all is one, one is all. the most important things are unexplainable. the 'way' is whatever. wherever you go, there you are.
you know, wishy washyness.

its not really tao, but its close. its not really zen, but its the same understanding. i have no desire to push my thoughts onto people. yet, i do feel a tendancy to let my thoughts wash peoples minds and ears.

i know i said this was going to be brief. oh, well.

so the things i am. and the things i have to say are nothingness and how it relates to our wellbeing. these are my hopes for the album:

• i hope different people hear different meaning in the lyrics.
• i hope people hear different meaning in each time they listen.
• i hope dogs react to certain parts of the songs.
• i hope children like singing some of the songs.
• i hope listeners understand that it is important to un-understand things.
• i hope people distribute the album amongst themselves.
• i hope noone ever pays for my music.

impressionist do it visually.
abstract artist leave you feeling someway or another.
saying something without saying it.
forcing the mind to read between the lines.
lexical ambiguities.
word association.
rorschach.
dream paths.
unlearning while we learn.

well, thats the brief explanation. here goes an example with words.

probably thought she said to beg. when once again we eyed her.
leaving wind away, she came to cover tracks she left in snow.
well, not snow but sand. but, not even that...behind her.
every yellow blue were told to wait before their egress.
something about the height to where the floor was barely brushed.
as gentle as stone tumbling. as loud as colonels boot.
well the well wishers. signs of their mothers.
looking glass and reading lips.
terror besides and fear forgotten.
spinning her grin attached to the dress.
to where the floor was barely brushed.

ok. so what does this mean to you?
i know what it means to me.
barely anything.
but definately an impression.
of a girl dancing to forget her harsh family life?

this one was stream of conciousness with no edits. finished in about 2 minutes. the flow and sound of the words were my guide. and i had to trust meaning or lack of. i like it. now, if i could speak like that all the time, i would be in heaven. unfortunately, people demand meaning and understanding. its a problem with the world i feel. oh well.

so. my album making problem is that i have music and melody first as the impression and the words have to fit into that mold. well, thats where i have to whittle words. editing again and again. then, theres the couple of songs in spansh. my mothers tongue. that i dont speak. try translating ambiguous concepts into another language! ugh.

maybe i should try making words first. then ornament with music. but, conceptually, i will require the opposite.

heres five albums i need to complete;

cary winscotts songs.
my solo album.
my doowop surround sound dvd.
my latin album.
an album of cover songs.

boy, with my schedule (or lack of one) i better get to work.

ps. oh and cary died and i'm truly at a loss of a good friend. deeply struck with grief. truly inspired by his life and its end. cant wait to hear my new catharsis. in mourning till then. yeah, the hurricane was a bitch (or bastard). but, nothing compared to my yearning for my friend. carys musical taste will be the standard which every album i make will be with. now more than ever, it seems, that if cary likes it...then god likes it.

ps. ps. on a religious note:

i was reading that sharks are birthing pups thru asexual means. there is no male dna in them. as though sharks are having immaculate conception.

maybe christ is back for the second coming as a shark.

and he's pissed!